Tag Archives: love

#ForeverAlone: Female, Single & Taking Your Time

“May God bring you a good man and a successful marriage, ” taita (Arabic for grandma) prays aloud.
I offer an obligatory thank you.
“When are you going to get married?” she asks.
“Give me 10 years”.
“TEN YEARS?! I’LL BE DEAD IN 10 YEARS” She fires back.

Now well into my early 20s, the world is poking and prodding with the marriage questions. I went from you’re too young for relationships to what are you waiting for in two minutes. But why? Why is the search for companionship so urgent?
Is it a case of being internally programmed to need companionship? Are we afraid of the loud ticking of the biological clock? Or has the prevailing culture molded us to believe that marriage should be aspired to? Perhaps it’s a combination of last night’s left-overs?
A cynic would tell you to forget about it, while a romantic would be too busy seeing her boyfriend to tell you to believe in love.
Regardless, we’re only in our twenties, why the big rush?

Back to conversations with my grandmother:
“Why don’t you get married?” she asks.
“Taita, if I wanted a man I would go out and find one.”

We can all admit to having friends who can’t find a man. Some of us can even admit to being one of those friends. Such ladies tend to fit the following social pattern:
Morose conversations are relayed about where one meets a man. Portraits of disgust are painted when the coupled friends P.D.A. Continuous affirmations of independence are sung. They congratulate their newly engaged friends and then convince themselves that they’re too young to take this step. Other girls are often judged by them for not being attractive enough for their male partners. They fear that all the good men are going to run out. Deals are made with selected friends to marry if still single at 40. Sometimes you may even find a cat or two.

All of these young women are bright, bangin’, boot-scootin’ (disclaimer: may not boot-scoot), driven, likeable personalities who look good and laugh harder. You will often hear them complain that all the good guys are either taken or gay. Then all the good single guys complain that girls complain about their inexistence. Then they all continue meeting immature members of the opposite sex with poor grammar and bad table manners, who were only attractive by comparison to the rest of the room. What a lovely orbit of the sun.

Where am I going with this? I am going for a sweet, steady, slow-paced walk down take your time lane. Care to join me? There’s room on this path for many more…
All I’m saying is there is no need to jump on the relationship bandwagon so soon. You’re Gen Y, you’re not Baby Boomers. Spend time with your family, enjoy youthful shenanigans with mates, study something, flirt with different people, travel the world, save some money, and enjoy emotional stability while you still have it.

Marriage will come when and if it is supposed to.

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Your Face Without Facebook.

A piece inspired by a hacker’s intrusion and my resulting time without Facebook.

Imagine a world without Facebook.
Difficult, I know. But strangely a reality that existed only a decade ago.
Whilst our parents never foresaw a world compressed by social media, most Gen Y-ers simply cannot live without it. Today, with sources claiming that there are over 1 billion Facebook users, social media’s redefinition of the way we interact with our world has become unignorable.

So let’s cross over to a parallel universe. One that never encountered the force of Facebook; where the natural evolution of human interactions are uninterrupted by social media, and this juxtaposition warrants assessment of how each affected facet of our lives may have otherwise independently developed.


Your circle of friends would be small, and updates would be facilitated by phone calls to those who matter, as opposed to the 638 people on your news feed.
The scary part? Friendships would be built on seeing one another, not Facebook chat. Birthday invites would be sent in the mail to people who know more than your relationship status, languages and sexual orientation. And texting would replace the daily stalk.
What’s that? Real friendships take work?! Who would have thought…?

 Relationships and Romance

Chivalry is dying;
Romance is defunct;
And relationships are fleeting.
What ever happened to the days when a gentleman approached a lady in a park, asked her out on a date, and discussed music and study over a hearty meal?
Parks are now friend requests, dates are now Facebook video chats and getting to know one another is whatever image of yourself you wish to portray.
By the time relationship status’ change to confirm a bond, they’re corrupted by unnecessary Facebook drama.
In another world, maybe the traditional ideals of honesty, trust and privacy would remain requirements of a modern day relationship.


Your family can be two things:
Unwillingly absent, or unnecessarily nosey.
For the latter, Facebook is the perfect tool for competitive cousins to monitor your progress and transgressions.
For those you love but never see, sometimes separated by masses of ocean, Facebook allows for greater communication and reduced periods of silence.
Without social media, the expensive overseas phone rates and irritating time differences will continue to dictate how you communicate with your family, wherever they are in the world.
For some, that’s a blessing, for others, a curse.

Self Worth

We all want to look and feel good, and Facebook helps us pretend to do that. According to MNN, 250 million photos are uploaded to Facebook daily. If only there were statistics telling us how many of those photos were edited, featured a girl posing in a little dress, or a topless gym junkie standing in front of a bathroom mirror. When teamed with check-ins portraying a stealthy social life, a friends list with names you can’t even pronounce, and a keyboard warrior conversational style, you get an individual with an unhealthy facade of who they want to be.
These are the lucky ones, because without social media, they would be forced to develop a real personality, build a back bone and increase their own self confidence. Facebook wouldn’t be there to protect them from facing the world and accepting who they really are.
Believe it or not, the value of a man is not measured by the number of likes on a profile picture, but by the integrity in which they lead their life.

Work and Business

Gen Y has been famously dubbed lazy, unpassionate and ‘generation why bother’.
And with productivity down 1.5% due to time spent on Facebook, it comes at no surprise.
However, many businesses have thrived with social media, utilising it’s qualities as a free marketing tool. In addition, new roles have been introduced to meet the demand of changed communication methods; roles that require those same lazy Gen Y-ers.
Remove these layers and you get an unmoved business landscape, with a greater proportion of Gen Y employees who still know how to impress beyond web 2.0 requirements.


Exploring the world has forever been a human desire.
Take Captain Cook for example, or the Phoenicians. They set sail for far-off lands and wrote the history we read about in books.
Today, we hop on Facebook and see photos from Abz Kebabz’ holiday to Bali, and Cellulite Sally’s check-ins around Europe.
It’s fantastic to have experiences of the world so accessible. But does it raise expectations to share and impress?
Remove Facebook from the equation and your closest family and friends will see you off at the airport for a long absence of backpacking and cocktails. Then, overwhelmed by joy, you reunite having felt forever separated, with stories to tell and photos to share; instead of one’s Facebook presence making it feel like they never left.


Have you ever read Sun Tzu’s The Art of War? But surely you’ve read the phrase: “If ignorant both of your enemy and yourself, you are certain to be in peril”.
How about The Prophet by Khalil Gibran? Yet I bet you’ve heard: “love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation”.
So do I dare ask to what you attribute these? Maybe a status you read last week?
Let’s live in a world where fewer youth dedicate time to recycling snippets from their news feeds, and more time to reading entire collections of classic literature.


What ever happened to Kony2012? Point made.

Don’t misunderstand me, Facebook isn’t being pinned with the blame – Twitter, Instagram, MySpace; they’re all contributors to today’s social environment. In fact, MySpace was the most visited site in the US in 2006. However Facebook is highly pertinent and its dominance in the contemporary Sydney landscape simply qualifies it as a representative for all social media platforms.

In summation, the moral behind today’s exercise is this:
Consider what your life would be like without Facebook;
Give it a try;
Watch how you approach life differently;
And then decide whether you can live without it.

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New Years You

The 21 milestone has been reached, for you and so many of your friends.
Christmas has sparkled and dimmed once more.
2012 is now a memory, and the new year has begun.
What’s changed? Nothing.
Let’s face it; we blissfully believe that the exordium of a year represents a clean slate and a new start.
We say the problems of last year will be left in the past, and the 365 days ahead will be the best ever.
While it’s nice to be optimistic, the truth cannot be escaped.
Believing that a new year means a new start is nothing but wide-eyed naivety.
You haven’t outgrown your past love-life because you turned 21.
You won’t have deals settled because it’s Christmas day.
Last year’s issues haven’t evaporated because the Harbour Bridge exploded in fireworks.
Everything remains the same. The only thing you can change is your attitude.

Take it from me; a young woman whose year consisted of better and worse, but nonetheless new perspectives on work, education, friendships, family, love and health.
Here it is, some words of guidance.
Attitude reform 101, for the New Years You.

You didn’t reach your school or university goals last year, and now you’re left with a not-so-boast-worthy GPA or ATAR.
The truth is, this topic will be raised for months, maybe even years. So what do you do?
You smile and read Sun Tzu’s ‘The Art of War’.
Then you decide if you want employment, travel or education, and you work your butt off for the next 12 months.

You fell in love, but it just wasn’t enough to make things stick. Now you’re being followed by the repulsive feeling of your broken heart.
Truth is, your string of independence quotes seconding as Facebook statuses won’t convince your wounds to heal, only time will do that.
The initial step: accept that you were hurt. Then channel your energy into new and exciting things: a full social calender, work prospects, a new TV series box set.
At the end of that cocktail, the endless convincing and aimless rebounds lack the substance time has to heal a broken heart.

You hate your job and your boss is cutting your shifts, so the little money you make isn’t even worth it.
It might have worked for Aloe Blacc, but singing ‘I need a dolla’ won’t help.
It’s time to quit complaining and find a new job.
It’s not difficult. Edit your resume and have it checked by a trusted friend or teacher. Start applying in your field of study, or open your mind to trying new things by applying in places you never thought you would. Though, be prepared for many applications and very few responses.

A family member or friend passed away, and you want to leave the memory in the past.
Truth is, death plays a huge part in all of our lives, so we can never really escape it. Try to turn your mourning into a positive energy, to honour those lost, to support those you love, and to embrace the life you live.

You are questioning some relationships as final nerves are had, trust is destroyed, and they begin to drift.
Truth is, ignoring the facts and hoping your friendships return to normality in the new year will only increase disappointment. You need to assess each troubled relationship and the cause of it, and decide whether it’s worth mending. Although it hurts, give them, and yourself, a reality check, and if nothing improves, it’s time to jet.

You or a loved one is sick and lacks the positive livelihood once boasted.
We mustn’t let health consume who we are and deter us from living our lives. Try to relight the spark in your life or that of a loved one by sharing in the small adventures that can make us smile. A trip to the beach, a friendly gathering to watch the sun rise, a day of Playstation and pizza. No one should feel different because they’re unwell, nor should the people around them.
The one thing we all have in common is that we’re still living.

No matter what your concern, the message here is simple.
It’s 2013, and the transition of a few festive days into this new year did not eradicate the reality that we are left with the same problems, same feelings and same obstacles as 2012.
But that doesn’t mean that the good should be forgotten.
The answer to improving your situation is adjusting your attitude to achieve the desired results.
Reflect on your previous years, learn from the bad, savour the great moments, then apply that education to your days ahead.
A Happy New Year, comes from a Happy New Year You.

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Public displays of affection…
Ohh, how they make me loathe love.
Happy and frilly, always in the wrong places (there never is a right place).
Waiting at a bus stop after a long days work, jammed next to a couple on a busy train, sober and surrounded by grinding partners in a club… The giggles, the groping, the.. Urgh. Just thinking about it makes me turn.

Love is a beautiful thing, a state truly worthy of celebration.. Hence, avoid destroying the exclusivity of your precious bond, making it juvenile and dramatic. Hold hands, stare into eachother’s eyes; but certain things should be kept to your own space and place.

Let’s weigh up some arguments for and against:


  • You’re so in lust that you can’t keep your hands off one another.
  • You’re so in love that should you let go, and the other floats away, you’ll forever be alone.
  • It’s cold, and Bear Grylls taught you to combine body heat.
  • You’re a free spirit who likes to stick it to the man.
  • Rihanna ‘found love in a hopeless place’.


  • What with weak stomachs and food intolerances, it’s difficult enough to digest.
  • Broken, fragile hearts need no more reason to hurt.
  • The elderly have enough reason to look down on us.
  • People, like myself, are encouraged to write annoying rants, like this.
  • Various cultures, religions, people and cats have different thresholds of public etiquette.

Now, don’t take me for a valentines-shunning, icy, love cynic who wishes pain and heart-ache upon all in love and lust, and death to unicorns and rainbows. I’m simply appealing to lovers and “friends” to, for need of a better phrase, “GET A ROOM”.

Those 60 year-long marriages are what you call love… not the naive and highly under-developed PDA-ers, who turn to social media, when the public isn’t enough.
On that note, Facebook-Display-of-Affection-ers, stop:

‘happy 2monfs babeh! I love you so much! I’m the luckiest boo in the world <;3’

… Gah.. Don’t get me started.

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