Tag Archives: successful marriage

#ForeverAlone: Female, Single & Taking Your Time

“May God bring you a good man and a successful marriage, ” taita (Arabic for grandma) prays aloud.
I offer an obligatory thank you.
“When are you going to get married?” she asks.
“Give me 10 years”.
“TEN YEARS?! I’LL BE DEAD IN 10 YEARS” She fires back.

Now well into my early 20s, the world is poking and prodding with the marriage questions. I went from you’re too young for relationships to what are you waiting for in two minutes. But why? Why is the search for companionship so urgent?
Is it a case of being internally programmed to need companionship? Are we afraid of the loud ticking of the biological clock? Or has the prevailing culture molded us to believe that marriage should be aspired to? Perhaps it’s a combination of last night’s left-overs?
A cynic would tell you to forget about it, while a romantic would be too busy seeing her boyfriend to tell you to believe in love.
Regardless, we’re only in our twenties, why the big rush?

Back to conversations with my grandmother:
“Why don’t you get married?” she asks.
“Taita, if I wanted a man I would go out and find one.”

We can all admit to having friends who can’t find a man. Some of us can even admit to being one of those friends. Such ladies tend to fit the following social pattern:
Morose conversations are relayed about where one meets a man. Portraits of disgust are painted when the coupled friends P.D.A. Continuous affirmations of independence are sung. They congratulate their newly engaged friends and then convince themselves that they’re too young to take this step. Other girls are often judged by them for not being attractive enough for their male partners. They fear that all the good men are going to run out. Deals are made with selected friends to marry if still single at 40. Sometimes you may even find a cat or two.

All of these young women are bright, bangin’, boot-scootin’ (disclaimer: may not boot-scoot), driven, likeable personalities who look good and laugh harder. You will often hear them complain that all the good guys are either taken or gay. Then all the good single guys complain that girls complain about their inexistence. Then they all continue meeting immature members of the opposite sex with poor grammar and bad table manners, who were only attractive by comparison to the rest of the room. What a lovely orbit of the sun.

Where am I going with this? I am going for a sweet, steady, slow-paced walk down take your time lane. Care to join me? There’s room on this path for many more…
All I’m saying is there is no need to jump on the relationship bandwagon so soon. You’re Gen Y, you’re not Baby Boomers. Spend time with your family, enjoy youthful shenanigans with mates, study something, flirt with different people, travel the world, save some money, and enjoy emotional stability while you still have it.

Marriage will come when and if it is supposed to.

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